Anony blog post #3

I can see clearly now the brain fog has gone.

My attachment style is “insecure anxious” which, after reading up on attachment styles, took me all of about 4 seconds to figure out. I hated leaving my Mum when I was little. I cried when she dropped me off at nursery every. single. day. (God that must have been exhausting for her).

I grew up with 4 siblings and craved attention and affection and needed the safety blanket of my family at all times despite being incredibly loved and well looked after.

As a teen, my anxieties manifested themselves in dysfunctional relationships and it is only now that I realise why they didn’t work.

I always went for the “insecure avoidants” — boys who liked me but always thought the grass was greener, who always thought I would need them more than they needed me. Which is why they chose me, I was validating their sense of self as an independent, uncommitted, don’t-need-nobody type fool.

The worst people I could possibly have chosen!

Of course you don’t realise these things when you’re 16 and ‘in love’. But oh how the tables have turned. After a brief hiatus from said dysfunctional relationships, I finally found someone who has a secure attachment style and, shock horror, love is easy!

When I am feeling anxious, he is calm. When I am feeling insecure, he is reassuring. When I am feeling all over the place, he is steadfast.

IMO, attachment styles should be talked about at school. Maybe if we recognised what type of person we are from the off, and could take steps to combat any negative issues, we could avoid all those toxic mismatches.

But then life is never that is easy.