Better days

I find myself feeling so guilty that I am not enjoying my life right now as much as I should be.

A new house, a lovely job, a wonderful partner, so much to look forward to.

But my health problems are front and centre of my mind, all day every day.

I guess in life you can never be certain of anything. I always want to be certain. 100% sure they’ve done all the tests, there’s nothing left to find. Absolutely certain about what time we are leaving, how long it takes to get there, what I need to bring. This issue of control has long been in my life.

When I saw a therapist she said, ‘but what if you weren’t in control?’

But what if I weren’t? Things wouldn’t be any different.

So it is pointless trying to control my life when life’s beauty is in its unpredictability. The moments when you look around and realise how beautiful the day is, how lovely the company, how magic the feeling.

Life is still magic, I just have to find it in the small things.